Diary of a Pancake Fangirl
by Hirilnara
Summary: A fanfic based on a fanfic...You need to read Huinesoron's Pancakes to understand! - Finished, for now
1. The Email

Diary of a Pancake Fan girl  
  
(A/N) Anyone who already reads pancakes will not need me to tell them that Huinesoron is a brilliant author worthy of his own fan girls. Anyone who hasn't read Pancakes () or any of his other stories, shame on you...You should go and read them! You certainly won't understand this one if you don't! Now that's out of the way, Middle Earth residents belong to Tolkien, the pancake kitchen and all its occupants belong to Huinesoron, and I belong to myself. Now, on with the story...If anyone takes offence, I apologise, but I can only please some of the world. Oh and pancake fans, this cuts in from about 42.  
  
Chapter 1 - The E-mail  
  
As Lobelia Sackville Baggins collapsed to the ground, and the dark cloaked golden vision melted into the shadows, Alicia Starbright wiped a tear from her eye. It was sheer poetry, the way her elf cast his pancakes of justice into the faces of the unworthy! She was so lucky to be able to witness Legolas in action. And all because of a chance message in her inbox...  
  
  
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She had been checking for her weekly update to Legolas_is_god, when she had found a message from someone named Merrylyn; CALLING ALL FAN GIRLS!!! A chance to see Legolas in the flesh! Sign up now to ISPCE's once in a life time opportunity!!! She hadn't needed telling twice! And soon she had been receiving updates every day from Merrylyn, and then the morning had arrived! She carefully packed her clothes, her favourite teddy bear, her hair brush and make up. She left the house, walked to her local internet cafe and logged on. She clicked the ISPCE logo in the middle of the latest e-mail, and felt a tingle spread through her fingertips and down her spine. Then suddenly she was in a small blue space, surrounded by hundreds of girls, all streaming towards daylight. She managed to reach the portal, but was shoved aside in the tide of hysteria. Scrambling to her feet, she saw Legolas. Slender beauty. Elvin grace! Tall and proud and...throwing pancakes??? She rubbed her eyes, but it was true, he was battling the onslaught of girls with pancakes, and an assorted army at his side. She ducked behind a tree, and watched as the mass of girls was defeated. The portal, empty now, folded up onto itself, and the generator switched off. She reached out and snagged it. Legolas was talking, and she saw him use a generator to open a portal. As the pancake army filed through, Alicia burst from behind the tree, dashed up the hill and dived through the portal.  
  
She found herself in a kitchen. Perfectly aware what would happen if she was found, she rolled under a table. Luckily enough, she managed to get away with this as it coincided with the entrance of another dashing elf, this time dark haired, accompanied by a lady with golden slices based on chocolate waves. She listened in awe as she spoke to Legolas without fear or lust in her voice...who was she, not to tremble in his presence? Then she got distracted by the way Legolas' hair floated round his chiselled face, and missed most of the conversation. She had been living in a dream from then on, being near him, watching his every move...  
  
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And now she had to move quickly, or she would lose sight of her beloved, and that would NEVER do! She grabbed her rucksack and chased after him through the Shire.  
  
(A/N) I apologise if this isn't the standard you usually find on here, but this is only a dedication to a friend, who deserves a little recognition. If people like, I will continue but it started out as a joke really, and no offence will be taken if no one likes. I'm just another crazy fan girl after all! Oh, and by the way...Pancakes has a slightly...different...description of Liliac's hair, I know, but this is a fan girl talking, and well, I KNOW Liliac, and she will hurt me if I criticise the hair! She has matches and she likes to use them! 


	2. He isn'tnah!

Wow! People like me! You really like me! Since you all request continuations, what else can I do? Just a little note: I have not read the books, unlike Huinesoron, so I do not always understand who he is splatting. However, as a Fan girl, I think I can get away with this ignorance, as she wouldn't understand either and can therefore jump to her own deluded conclusions...If I do get something terribly wrong, however, please tell me, and I will do my best to correct it in later chapters. So story time! But, before that, a reply to the people kind (or crazy) enough to review. You see, I am following most devoutly in the footsteps of Huinesoron, who is the master and whose fanfics are gospel (well, perhaps that's a little OTT...I do that sometimes) Anyway...  
  
Huinesoron - Glad you like...don't let it get to your head though. I might not always wait for you...then your stories will be influenced by mine! I will have the power! Mwuhahahah!  
  
Pointy Ears Are My Thing - I am glad I have your support, even though it is an offshoot of you pancake love... Pancakes is so darn good I can't hold it against you!  
  
Bulma Greenleaf - I'm glad you approve...Me and Huinesoron thought it would be fun if I did this. Here is an update...I will try to keep up to date, 'onest I will, guvnor! And if you are an assistant (I think you're an assistant, please forgive me if I'm wrong) you will, but I apologise in the way the crazy deluded fan girl will paint you...she IS a fan girl and as such should not be taken terribly seriously...I, as the author, like you and fully appreciate all your efforts...wow, what a long reply!  
  
Elanhin - I'm glad you like...As you can see, I am continuing  
  
Merrylyn - Whoa! Glad you like (I hope I'm not being presumptuous, I just got the impression you liked this a bit) I will write more. And btw, I wanted to rescue and recruit you, but I think you're already taken...I will enter into negotiations...Alicia needs people like you for what I have planned  
  
So, on with the story!  
  
Chapter 2 - He isn't...nah!  
  
Alicia followed Legolas through the Shire, ducking from shadow to shadow. As she watched his graceful loose limbed walk, she composed sonnets she would serenade him with as soon as she introduced herself. She was trying to think of something to follow "And of a race so noble and olden, He is the greatest, so pure and so golden..." (Should she praise his soulful eyes or his fabulous, fabulous body?) when she realised he had stopped at a door. She followed as he entered, and tucked herself into a convenient cranny. She didn't quite recognise the house, or its occupants...well, she had only gone to the movie because her little brother had wanted to, and she only really remembered Legolas. And she hadn't quite got round to reading the books. Her little brother had, and he'd told her all about them...shame she had been looking at her posters at the time...  
  
But it didn't matter. Legolas was silently pancaking most of the hobbits. They MUST be evil, nasty people, for her elf to feel the need to punish them. Finally there was one hobbit left, sitting in his chair with a glass of ale. He was frowning slightly, looking worried, and paying no attention to Legolas (she was distracted here, as by glancing at him, she had seen the way his black cloak skimmed his muscular chest and toned legs, and it took a minute to break out of the trance). But the hobbit didn't look evil, more concerned as a friend would worry. But then he looked up as if startled. She heard Legolas call him farmer...It must be Farmer Maggot then (strange, she didn't remember her brother saying anything about him being a bad character). Then Legolas said something about splatting him anyway. He swiftly loosed the pancake, and Farmer Maggot fell to the floor. Once again she was awed by the grace, but this time there was a niggling doubt. Why had Legolas splatted him? He didn't seem bad, and he had given no reason.  
  
As she followed him out, she head him mutter something about being "on form". Well, obviously he had a reason. Farmer Maggot must have had it coming...well, with a name like maggot (nasty icky things!) he had to be bad! And it wasn't as if Legolas would do anything wrong...Alicia nearly laughed at the thought. Her Legolas, the noblest, handsomest, most charming prince the elves could ever have, do something wrong? That was ridiculous. Still, as she followed him, she tried to work out what Legolas had meant by "on form". Well, until she started the sonnet again, and then her thoughts were entirely on "His eyes of knowing, piercing blue"  
  
(A/N) Well, what do you think? There's only one way to tell me...hit the review button now! (That is, if you feel like it...no pressure) Sorry if this sounds like Huinesoron...but I am a fan, and he is the master...actually, it's the way I write anyway, but someone pointed out the similarity. 


	3. Drastic Measures!

Hello! I'm going to do something a little bit daring this chapter.It's NOT directly based on a pancakes chapter. There is a perfectly good reason for this however. Alicia is following Legolas around, portalling as he portals. Now, I could put her ability to use the generator down to her excellent grades in Computer Studies, or her amazing Sue like powers. But that just seems like a cop out. So what I've decided to do is.Well, you'll need to read the chapter to find that out! But first, reviewer replies need to be made!  
  
Huinesoron - I shall assume you are talking to yourself, as I cannot believe the master would be asking humble little eme what to do next But glad you like!  
  
Pointy - I apologise for inducing a bout of fan girliness...but it's what Alicia does best I'm afraid!  
  
SeanBigg'sElf - Thank you very much...I do try. And as you can see, I did carry on.  
  
Malfoyelf - me? A favourite? wow! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!! Updating now!  
  
And now, what should probably fitted in somewhere towards the end of chapter 1. I'm going to write it as it would have happened so sorry if it's a bit confusing!  
  
Chapter 3 - Drastic measures!  
  
Liliac and Huinesoron were gone, and the kitchen assistants had sprung into action. Soon a towering pile of pancakes lay ready for action. Legolas came into the main room, his silk smooth skin slightly paler than normal. "Are you sure you'll be okay?" One of the assistants asked as she handed him his bag. "I'll be fine, thank you" He swung the bag over his shoulder and picked up the portal generator from the table. Alicia was so overcome at her proximity to him (just think, if she reached out she could touch his wonderful, WONDERFUL legs!) that she didn't realise until too late he was keying in a destination. The portal opened. He stepped through, and was gone.  
  
Alicia broke out into a cold sweat. This was a nightmare! She had never expected to leave her gods side, heaven forbid lose sight of him; but now he was gone, vanished, with no way of finding him! She couldn't ask the assistants, as she doubted they'd be happy to inform a stowaway fan girl where their master and her lust object were. There were a number of pancakes still on the table, and she didn't want to think what those sticky things would do to her hair! No, what she needed was someone who'd be sympathetic to her plight.someone like Merrylyn! She was obviously dedicated to Legolas, to trace him and save him from those wicked, wicked people who had captured him. Only problem was, Merrylyn was currently locked up in ISPCE headquarters somewhere, and she had no way of finding her. Or did she? The portal generator was ISPCE technology; she had heard someone mention it. She checked it over, and sure enough there was a home button. With shaky hands she pressed it. A blue portal formed under the table, and she crawled through.  
  
A snigger met her ears seconds after she arrived. She stood up, and turned around to deliver what she hoped was a devastating glare to the guilty party. A group of young cloaked teenagers stood in the corridor. Alicia walked over to them, and asked in her best teacher voice "Where would I find the prisoners?" However, since she was far more used to sweetly simpering, it sounded as if she had a blocked nose. It was enough, however, to make one of the group point down the corridor. She followed his directions and soon found herself surrounded by blackness. 'How ghastly' she thought. 'No windows, no colour. A splash of pink would really brighten this place up!' She was so busy redesigning the interior (a cushion there, a mirror here) she didn't look where she was going, and bumped into someone. Well actually, something.  
  
A giant, floating, fiery eye! Alicia swallowed the urge to scream, and instead declared, "I am here to interrogate the new prisoner, Merrylyn!" Okay, so it was more of a squeak, but the eye still rotated round to stare at a barred cell. Alicia walked over, and unlocked the door from the outside, trying to puzzle out why Sauron, the big bad of Middle Earth, would be so easy to fool. Merrylyn was sitting in a corner, staring at a picture she had scratched into the wall. Alicia smiled; it was obviously Legolas, though no scratched portrait could capture his flowing hair, his soulful eyes.she sighed, causing Merrylyn to spin round. "Don't make too much noise, I'm a friend!" Alicia cut in quickly before Merrylyn could open her mouth. "I'm one of the fan girls you brought through to meet Legolas." At this Merrylyn's eyes misted over and a dreamy smile played upon her lips. "Legolas" she sighed. Then, breaking free of the trance she had been in, she asked, "So how did you get here? I thought they pancaked everyone?" "I was lucky. But, there's been an emergency! Legolas has portalled off somewhere and I can't find him!"  
  
Merrylyn laughed, "That's no problem! I specially configured the generator you've got. In the rescue mission I fitted a tracer to him, while we were trapped together." She went into another trance, a brilliant smile spread from ear to ear. "So how do I trace him?" Alicia looked down at her generator, as if a big glittery arrow might have appeared point towards her love. Merrylyn reached across and flicked a switch. The display turned into a map with a winking light in the top left corner. "Push the 'go' button and it will take you straight to him". Merrylyn taught Alicia everything she knew about the generators. Then they got down to the serious business of dreaming of their golden prince and discussing the deepness of his eyes.  
  
(A/N) I do apologise.this chapter grew far longer than I originally planned. Next time (provided Huinesoron gives me something to work with) the attention of the story will return to his pancakey deeds, and rightly so! So, until then, why not give me something to do? Like some reviews to read? Pwetty pwease? 


	4. Calling all Fangirls

Hello! I'm sorry I didn't update sooner, but I have a marvellous excuse . . . I mean reason (cough). I am officially a STUDENT! That's right folks; this is winging its way from Bath University. But don't worry, while uni might delay me, it will never stop me updating. So, first, lets reply to my many reviewers (I love you guys!)  
  
Pointy Ears Are My Thing - I agree.I really had to explain what had happened . . . I'm just sorry I didn't thing of it until now. But I had time before Huinesoron updated so all's good. I guess Merrylyn has to calm down, unless I can enter negotiations with Huiney (he'll love that!) I want Merrylyn! It's not fair, Liliac got her, humph!  
  
Malfoyelf - Are you suggesting I have fangirl tendencies?!?!? Damn, I thought I'd hidden them so well! LOL, no, I do have a slight thing for Legolas, but Alicia is wildly exaggerated . . . as Hirilnara I am completely unaffected by the golden wonder . . . ahem . . . anyway. Yes the fangirl makeover, and sauron lol, well, he fell for it once, it was too easy to take advantage of . . . and updating now  
  
Huinesoron - yes, you do need to write, I need your genius to inspire me (realises this could seriously inflate you ego) well, I managed ok on my own . . . ah, who am I kidding . . . keep writing!  
  
The Nobel Platypus - Hmmm, first Pointy then u . . . I'm not sure if encouraging Legolas chasing fangirls is in the ISPCE job description . . . Ah, who cares! Carry on reviewing . . . please!  
  
Elanhin - that's ok, I understand, sniff, if ur too busy I guess that's ok (sob) nah, just kidding its cool . . . im glad I'm brightening up the world, makes me feel warm n fuzzy inside!  
  
Bulma - Thank u for giving me something to read! Not enough room at uni for all my books! Merrylyn is sort of back, but not in my team yet . . . sigh . . . That's ok about the not reviewing Happy (belated) Birthday! And as u can see, am continuing!  
  
And now, story time boys 'n' girls!  
  
Chapter 4 - Calling all Fangirls! Your prince needs you!  
  
Numbly she walked to where he had vanished, tracing his exact footsteps even in her blind trance. How long she stood staring at the empty air where the shimmering blue portal had swallowed him up she didn't know, but she suddenly realised she was crying. She swiped away the tears, shaking her head in disbelief. He couldn't be . . . it was impossible . . . but there was no other explanation . . . Legolas had gone bad! This thought instantly summoned up an image of Legolas in leather, astride a motor bike . . . But there was no time for that! This wasn't a good bad! She momentarily got distracted by the contradiction, and then focused on the task in hand. Legolas had deliberately attacked a defenceless old hobbit; based on the claim his son had annoyed him! Still she fought the obvious . . . Maybe he wasn't bad . . . maybe Sam was annoying! Not in the film (well, she might have missed it, what with drooling over Legolas) but maybe in the books . . . There was only one thing she could do . . . she was going home!  
  
She put down "Return of the King" with a shaking hand and a heavy heart. She had borrowed the entire series from her brother (he had fallen off the chair in shock when she had asked) and nowhere in the hundreds of pages had Sam directly annoyed Legolas. So he was bad. She let this sink in. But, just when it seemed she was going to actually accept her elf had a flaw, she came up with a flash of brilliance. Legolas may be bad . . . but he had obviously been corrupted and was therefore innocent of all wicked deeds he has committed!!! (Yes, loop hole discovered, breakdown avoided!)  
  
She had to save him! Poor sweet Legolas, so obviously tormented by some unspeakable curse that turned him into a pancake wielding monster! And she could guess who had done it too! Those evil kitchen assistants! Girls all of them! Why hadn't she realised, they must be keeping him for their own evil plans, corrupting HER golden prince! Well, she couldn't leave him in their evil clutches! She needed a plan . . .  
  
Leaning back from the computer she smiled. Her plan was foolproof! Now she could get back to her love! She clicked post, and the following message flashed onto Legolas_is_god's homepage;  
  
CALLING ALL FANGIRLS! YOUR PRINCE NEEDS YOU! Legolas is in serious peril, and he needs dedicated girls to save him. If you love the most gorgeous elf in the world as much as I do, sign up today, and together we will rescue him, and keep him safe with us forever!  
  
(A/N) Sorry this took so long to add. If anyone wants to be in this story the Legolas Rescue Squad is recruiting now, review and sign up on the craziest most hormone driven mission ever! 


	5. Enough is ENOUGH!

I'm baaaaaaaaack! Had my first lecture today and needed some relaxation . . . so you lucky people now have this to read! Here's a big hello to all those lovely reviews who make my life bearable (you know who you are :-D) Here are your replies!  
  
The Noble Platypus - Yes you can join (see A/N at the end) No you CANNOT destroy! Cheek! I am continuing, despite the fact you want to destroy what is going to be ridiculously funny. Please do give serious thought to joining the squad though! (Its not impossible, if you read to the end you'll see why!)  
  
Elanhin - Yes it can! Read the author note and your problems will be solved! And when you join the squad, you won't just be waiting to see what crazy plans they come up with . . . you'll be right there making them!  
  
Huinesoron -Thank you! Wow, I can still make you laugh, even all the way from Bath! RESULT! And believe me; you would be surprised what a fan girl would do to keep her hero pure from taint, and to save her delusions! Um, I hope you realise I'll now be pestering you for details, as I still haven't got around to reading them myself *^_^* sowwie!  
  
Malfoyelf - hmmm, I guess I believe you . . . you sound so sincere it's hard to doubt you ;-) Yes, it's quite a skill, to be that delusional . . . I should know, I have frequently stepped over the boundary! Aww, no more review? But I updated, look! And so far, no definite volunteers :-( . . . although hopefully that will change soon  
  
And now, on with the show!  
  
Chapter 5 - Enough is ENOUGH!!!!  
  
Portalling back from the real world, decided Alicia, was a bit of a headache. Not only did she feel slightly nauseous at the change in reality, but it messed her hair up. She looked around and, seeing no Legolas, wrestled with the choice of finding him first, or sorting out her hair. The hair won (Well, she couldn't risk facing him looking like this!). She snuck into a corner to straighten it out. She was just cursing the fact that the evil assistants had bewitched Legolas into picking this dank dark headquarters (had they never heard of mirrors? Feathers? PINK?!?!), when she heard him scream. She realised this could be her moment to save him, before he was once again influenced by those wretched girls, but alas, she was too late, as she saw THEM and the dashing dark haired elf from before (he was probably bewitched too . . . they'd have to thing about rescuing him, if it didn't interfere in saving Legolas) running into the kitchen. She peaked around the door frame, and to her horror saw a balrog. Enough was ENOUGH! Was it not bad enough that these . . . females . . . had taken HER prince, but now they subjected him to such danger! Ok, so it was on the small size, but still! She was mentally stepping up the mission to as soon as possible, when she heard a mighty roar. The door, and the surrounding wall, collapsed and there stood a balrog, of the definitely-NOT-mini variety. Alicia considered trying to save Legolas in the confusion, but there were too many people. So she stood, helpless at the doorway, as the most terrifying scene in her life played out before her eyes.  
  
She watched, breathless, as Legolas, proud tall golden Legolas, single- handedley defeated the balrog! She was silently cheering, when she saw him faint. It took every ounce of will power not to run into the room and revive him, but who knew what the assistants might do? So, with clenched fists, she watched the assistants drag him into a portal. Using her generator, now a fetching shade of pink (she had used her nail vanish to decorate it while she had been at home) and saw he was now somewhere called Mirrormere. "Soon, my love" she whispered into the ruined kitchen "I will save you! I . . ." Then she saw the balrog start to stir, squeaked, and opened her own portal to where her prince now was!  
  
(A/N) Once again, thank you for my reviewers . . . However, I noticed a theme . . . you seem to think you cannot join the rescue squad if you are an assistant. Well, I myself am an assistant, and the solution is pretty simple . . . If you want to be involved, make up a fan girl persona and you too can be in two places at once (it's quite fun really!) So please, join the squad, or I'll be forced to use a range of flat, lifeless characters (what do you mean, Alicia is flat and lifeless?!?!?) Seriously, I would love to have some of you involved!!! Apologies to the assistants whose heroic actions in the battle were blatantly ignored during the battle, and for the slander Alicia is putting on your good names . . . She is delusional and a fangirl, and as such, should be excused such ignorant actions. Apart from that, you may have noticed 2 things (being intelligent, sophisticated Huinesoron fans) . . . 1) I don't actually know what Alicia looks like. Any suggestions? I can make up a description, but some input would be much appreciated . . . 2) I'm running out of flowery phrases to refer to Legolas . . . help! Please? Oh yeah, 1 little thing I forgot . . . review . . . pwease? 


	6. How much do you love your elf?

You know who I am, you know what this is, and you know what I'm going to do. However, I think I'll remind you all anyway. I'm me, this is my story, and I'm going to reply then write . . . See, how simple was that? Sorry, if you hadn't noticed, I am a little bit strange! And boy o boy, am I hyper! People are already signing up for the rescue squad! How cool is that! Um, this chapter might be another long one . . . you see, when I make it up myself, it's not so limiting. Basing chapters on Huinesoron's story (which has been, is and always will be BRILLIANT!!!) means I have a structure to work on . . . this way it just . . . flows. On and on and on and on . . . you get the idea!  
  
Bulma Greenleaf - Sorry I didn't reply to your review last chapter, it didn't show up until I had posted. Your character sounds fine . . . do you want to make her more detailed or should i?  
  
Pointy Ears Are My Thing - I forgive you for reviewing late . . . you still reviewed, that's the main thing! And I'm an exception? Is that a good thing? ;-) I applaud you in your clever reasoning for your continued participation . . . I can see Mandy will be a great asset in our team! Yes, Mandy is alive and enlisted! And really rather worrying, what with the names you/she suggested!  
  
Elanhin - Tada! Mary is born! Sorry I didn't include every detail yet, but this is sort of a meet and greet. More info will be told later! Apart from that, welcome to the squad!  
  
The Noble Platypus - Tiffany is alive . . . she is NOT going to destroy my squad however! Great big no no! I'm glad we are agreed on that! Thank you for the phrases, I will use some of those later, definitely! Oh, and Midnight lives too! Try not to kill yourself with cherry coke! I need your reviews!  
  
Lady of mowzerness - Hi! I'm glad you like! Do you want to make up your own profile, or shall I do that? Once she has a profile she can join the squad . . . that's a promise!  
  
Huinesoron - you're getting lapse my friend . . . look at all these people who reviewed before you! Just teasing. So, how do you feel about being "rescued"? ;-) And I hope you realise I will take you at your word and pester away!  
  
Malfoyelf - No! Not the spork! Your character sounds fine, but I'm joining to introduce her next chapter, as I had sort of finished this one by the time I got this review . . . sowwie!  
  
And now, what you've all been waiting for . . . meet the fangirls!  
  
Chapter 6 - How much do you love your elf?  
  
Having seen the assistants setting up the new kitchen, and fussing over her elf, Alicia decided anything was better, even another trip to the real world. This time though, she was prepared. She carefully tied her hair back into a candy pink scrunchy, checked in the mirror, nodded with satisfaction, and set the coordinates for her home town.  
  
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Mary logged onto Legolas_is_god, not really expecting to find much. After that message from Merrylyn, the board had become strangely quiet. Mary wished she knew what had happened, but her internet had picked that week to crash, and by the time it was sorted out, Legolas_is_god had become a ghost board. She scrolled through the usual offers, looking for a poster to add to her collection (29 wasn't really a good number, and there was a perfect space on the back of her door that was still poster free). However, this time something much more important caught her eye. A new message from Miss_Starbright had been posted. Normally she did poems and stuff (not that any mere words could compare to the one and only) but today there was this;  
  
CALLING ALL FANGIRLS! YOUR PRINCE NEEDS YOU! Legolas is in serious peril, and he needs dedicated girls to save him. If you love the most gorgeous elf in the world as much as I do, sign up today, and together we will rescue him, and keep him safe with us forever!  
  
Mary's heart jumped. Quickly she hit reply and as she typed, she glared at the computer, threatening horrible things if it DARED crash again . . .  
  
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Mandy was searching the net for new Legolas sites. She had been slightly lapse since finding the Aragorn_heaven board, and she was beginning to miss pictures of her god of gorgeousness. She scrolled through the results, and clicked the Legolas_is_god link. It took her into a message board. She was about the click back when she noticed the title of the top message. Curious she opened it and what she saw made her grin from ear to ear. A chance to meet Legolas, and be with him! Who could pass up a chance like that! And, once they got to Middle Earth, she was sure she could convince the others to help her "rescue" Aragon and Gollum too! It was perfect . . . All she had to do was reply! She started to type, but had to delete half of it when she realised her own personal nickname for the golden elf (The tight bottomed little lovyturtle) had been used six times.  
  
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Tiffany grinned. Finally, Alicia had got round to posting again! She had been worried when she hadn't seen an update to her poetry collection in two days, but obviously everything was ok . . . she would have serious words with that girl for her lack of dedication to their golden prince. However, when she clicked the link to her new message, it wasn't a new poem after all. It was a bulletin about saving Legolas . . . 'Strange' thought Tiffany. She clicked on the reply box, to ask her what was going on. Midnight, her beautiful white cat, walked into her room and wound herself around Tiffany's legs as she finished the message. Tiffany reached down to stroke her, and clicked send. She hoped Alicia would reply soon . . . If she was serious, and Legolas WAS in danger, they couldn't wait around!  
  
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A few days later, Mary, Mandy, Tiffany and Midnight were all sitting in the lounge area of Alicia's local internet café. They had been in the middle of a very serious conversations ("I thought Midnight was such a spiffy name, it didn't really matter she was white, you know?") when a girl walked in and stood, framed dramatically in the convenient doorway. Her blonde hair cascaded over her shoulders, swirling over the fluffy pink jumper that hugged her slender waist. This had to be their new leader, the one who could take them to Legolas . . . Alicia!  
  
From the doorway, Alicia stood looking at them for a moment. One girl, who she recognised from the photo on the Legolas_is_god board as Mary, had her red hair in an elfin cut. Alicia sighed . . . She would love to have hair that colour . . . maybe before she went back to Legolas's aid she could buy some dye. Tiffany she recognised instantly, since they had both gone to the same school. Her copper hair was unmistakable and she'd even brought Midnight! That left Mandy . . . she must be the . . . rounder girl, with brown hair, dressed from head to foot in red.  
  
She interviewed them all, of course, and while she was a bit worried about Mandy's "other interests" (how could she even think about Aragorn when they had Legolas? And Gollum??? ICK!!!) they all proved dedicated enough to join the Legolas (and other cute males) Rescue Squad. She hoped there would be more soon, but now they could at least start. Soon their elf (her elf really, but for now she'd have to stop putting it that way), perfection incarnate, would be with them . . . Forever!  
  
(A/N) WAHOO! It has begun! Sorry for the fangirl-esque description of Alicia . . . let her cascading blonde hair never be mentioned again, unless an assistant sets it on fire in a battle! That would be cool! Hirilnara should do it! Then one of my alter ego's would be attacking the other!!! Oops, total sidetrack, sorry! EEK, just seen how long this is . . . Oh well, anyway, you know the drill, review, and maybe even sign up . . . it would really make my day!  
  
And Merrylyn, are you still reading? Haven't heard from you since chapter 1! I was looking forward to reading your reviews and swapping fan girl ideas :-( 


	7. Hormone Overdrive!

It's me again! And here we have another exciting Diary update! And best of all, its based on a pancakes chapter!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wahoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Hyper again, more people are signing up! Why are you all so nice to me?  
  
Huinesoron - First to review this time, much better! Glad you don't mind being pestered since it was going to happen anyway! I am writing more and I won't overtake you . . . much!!! :-D  
  
Pointy Ears Are My Thing - Don't worry, the names are brill, they'll come in handy! I'm glad you're better now, I never knew purple hair was a cure for fever . . . I'll have to try it out sometime! Glad Mandy doesn't mind being in the story, I promise no harm will come to the rescue squad. Is she reading this and Pancakes? (Waves at Mandy if she's reading)  
  
The Noble Platypus - Boy your keen! 2 fangirls . . . I don't think I'll use the flute, these are meant to be relatively realistic, sorry. And I am afraid I have no idea about classical music so her depth might appear rather shallow. Again, sorry (grovels for forgiveness)  
  
Malfoyelf - Heeeeeeeeres Rose! Your wish is my command! Oh and by the way, Legally Blonde is one of my favourite movies!  
  
Elanhin - All rescue squad members survive or I'll want to know why!  
  
Liliac - We have talked about the fire, and even though I see no evidence of reviews, you know I have talked to Huinesoron about this . . . Poor poor Alicia! And I'm writing now, so nyah! :-P  
  
Lady of Mowzerness - Okay dokey, will do!  
  
Phaidra - Yes you can! That's perfect, you will join us today! And have you read Pancakes! The original inspiration and in my opinion twice as funny as this!  
  
Bulma Greenleaf - Galadriël Telrúnya aka Suzan is born! Thank you for the information, very useful . . . hope you continue to enjoy the story  
  
Merrylyn - You're forgiven!!! It was like Christmas, a sudden downfall of wonderful reviews! And I missed hearing from you, because I knew I would enjoy your reviews . . . however that doesn't mean you can leave it for ages again, because you can't! Hmmm, cloning . . . not this chapter (too much happening) but I feel a fangirl road trip to ISPCE in the near future :-D ! And yes, Alicia is a prime fan girl example, I just needed her to be slightly more cunning than average so this story could progress! And you're free now! YAY!!! Even if MEAPs did get you :-P . . . I'm going to skip a couple of reviews because everyone is probably waiting for the story to start, but I appreciate each and every one and all information is being stored for later . . . Yay for the plushie!  
  
So, how will the fangirls fair when they meet Legolas for the first time? I'm sure you can guess, but just in case . . .  
  
Chapter 7 - Hormone overdrive!  
  
In the ruined remains of what had once been the glorious Kitchen, Mandy, Mary and Tiffany were involved in a heated debate about an incredibly serious matter. "Well, it's my poster so I say it goes in MY room!" Mary tugged the corner so the poster rolled towards her. "But you've got 15 in there already! It's not fair!" Mandy grabbed the edge nearest her and tugged so the poster unrolled. It was a glorious life sized Legolas, smiling mysteriously at the camera. The three girls looked at it and sighed. Then the squabbling broke out again.  
  
Alicia walked in to see Mary arms wrapped tight around a poster, Mandy stomping her feet and Tiffany tugging at Mary's arms. Midnight was on the table, hissing and arching her back. "ENOUGH!" The three girls all turned silently to look at Alicia, who giggled happily. She had never sounded so authorative! "What's wrong?" She asked quietly. Immediately they all started to talk. Alicia picked out "poster", "room" and "WANT!" "Could you show me the poster in question, please?" Mary unrolled it and Alicia stared. Her immediate response was "Well, I'm the leader so I say it goes in MY room!" However, she knew this wasn't fair. "It can go in the main meeting area, so we can all see it" There was some grumbling, but Alicia didn't want to risk too much authority in one day, so she decided to sidetrack them. "I've brought more squad members" she sidestepped so the people inside and outside the room could see each other.  
  
"This is Sarah" This was a brown eyed girl, average height, with striking bronze hair. "The lady of mowzerness. Are you sure you won't tell me your real name?" The petite girl with the raven black hair shock her head. "Oh well. This is Rose" A tall beautiful blonde, who was winding a strand of hair round her finger waved shyly. "Phaidra" another blonde, not quite as tall and more toned looking. "And finally Suzan, who would like to be called Galadriël Telrúnya" Another average sized girl but with short purple hair, smiled and winked her bright blue eyes.  
  
"Now you all know why we are here! But first, we need to get organised. I'm going to split you into sub groups, so we can do this effectively. Right, Tiffany, Rose and Mary, you're the decorating squad . . . "  
  
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A while later and the fangirls were in the woods, trying to find the best position for what was to come. Thanks to Merrylyn's training, Alicia had managed to portal everyone to where Legolas was going to be, but 5 minutes earlier. Suddenly there were voices and two handsome dark haired elves came into the clearing. A collective sigh broke out from the fangirls, but the elves were too busy talking to notice. Then Legolas appeared. Alicia felt Rose go to run to him, and grabbed her, shaking her head violently. The other fangirls, behind Alicia, surged forwards. Alicia panicked. This was something she hadn't counted on! Too many fangirls all on a Legolas high! How could she control them? She was so busy trying to decide what to do she didn't see Legolas splatting the elves. From the muffled gasp, the other fangirls had.  
  
As Legolas headed out of the clearing, Alicia fixed each of the fangirls with a steady stare. "That is why we are here. Legolas is not himself. A foolish move now could mean disaster for the whole mission. We will go back to headquarters, and we will start a training session. Next time you encounter Legolas, we need to be in control. No matter how gorgeous, no matter how goldenly delicious he looks, he is under evil influence. Do not forget." She opened the portal, and the fangirls filed through.  
  
She watched them, and thought. She couldn't handle this alone. She needed someone with experience to help her train the girls. . . She needed Merrylyn!  
  
(A/N) Well, what do you think? Can Alicia pull this off? Will she find a way to get Merrylyn? Do I know? Do you care? I'll update anyway, but reviews will lift my mood and speed my typing fingers! 


	8. Operation fangirl clone!

Hello, it's me, but today I'm doing something different. I am NOT updating Diary of a Pancake girl, I am NOT going to reply to my reviews and I AM going to be completely serious, sensible and totally realistic. Oh, one more thing. I am NOT telling you the reverse of all the things I am going to be doing. ;-) Got that?  
  
Pointy Ears Are My Thing - ahh, sorry I have induced 9 yr old fangirliness . . . but in truth it IS a great poster (not just saying that because I made it, cough cough) Ahh, spa treatment, I seeeee! Plushie sounds fun, but I'm not sure training will be that effective . . . more mental than physical. And yes, watch that flaming eyeball . . . very suspicious behaviour round water Indeed!  
  
Fireblade K'Chona - I will keep you in mind if we ever have a fangirl stampede!  
  
Bulma Greenleaf - glad you like, makes me VERY happy! And training . . . well, you'll have to keep reading won't you?  
  
Lady of Mowzerness - your welcome. By the way, do you have a real name I could use?  
  
The Noble Platypus - Sorry, I didn't mean to go all British on you. Jolly poor show of me and all ;-) Um yes, cattleprods . . . I will DEFINITELY keep that in mind!  
  
Phaidra Good good, Pancakes (and Huinesoron) is brilliant! And I'm glad you like this too! Excellent taste that girl! :-D I'm crazy today, very sorry!  
  
Elanhin - Because Alicia is the boss so ner! And why not ask Huinesoron (in an email) for a pancake poster?  
  
Huinesoron - I'm very very very sorry sir . . . It won't happen again! Thank you!  
  
Plum jam - have you read Pancakes by Huinesoron? He came up with the pancake idea, and the story is an excellent read!  
  
Now, this ISN'T the next chapter . . . bored of that now, It's gonna get way too confusing . . . Happy reading!  
  
Chapter 8 - Operation fangirl clone!  
  
Leaving the fan girls with an extensive training program (the big dreamy poster inside a locked glass box) Alicia portalled back to ISPCE. She was finding her way down to the prison area when she heard a very weird sound from behind her (for anyone interested it was a sort of Aliwhaohmyeekshhmph!!! caused by the person (you will know who in a minute, be patient!) starting to call out "Alicia", then "what are you doing here?", then "oh my god", then eeking with the realisation lots of people were staring at her then shhhing herself, then finally covering up her mouth to stop herself making anymore noise. It all got terrible run together which is why it came out the way it did. Now, back to our main feature) Alicia turned around and saw Merrylyn, wearing a lilac cloak, jumping around with her hand over her mouth. Alicia ran over to her. "Merrylyn! What are you doing out of your cell?" Merrylyn replied "Mwulilmplefurfob" Then she uncovered her mouth and said "Liliac gave me a job! I work for MEAPS". Alicia looked around and checked no body was close enough to hear them. "Listen, I'm really worried about Legolas. Is there somewhere private we can talk?" Merrylyn opened up a door into a small empty room, and beckoned her in.  
  
******************************************************  
  
"So the kitchen assistants must be evil! It's all there fault Legolas is bad!" Alicia saw Merrylyn's eyes start to cloud over and she could almost see the leather. "Merrylyn, this is important. We need you. HE needs you" Merrylyn snapped out of it and frowned. "It IS there fault! I just remembered, they created a magical gingerbread kitchen when we were passing through Lorien, and were talking about a pancake spell. I was distracted at the time, as I had to make a note of an elf I had splatted. Why didn't I realise?! I could have saved him . . . " Alicia patted her consolingly on the back "It's ok. The thing is, we have a shot at rescuing him now!" Merrylyn looked distraught "But how can I come with you? I report directly to Liliac, and she'll realise what's happening if I vanish, she's not an idiot! And trust me, you do NOT want to upset Liliac!". "Why?" Asked Alicia nervously "what does she do?". "That's the problem . . . I don't know what she'd do! But she does have a LOT of candles in her room, and once when we were talking I'm sure she was muttering under her breath "firey-firey burn-burn" Alicia was about to admit defeat when Merrylyn squealed and started hopping around "I've got it! I got a plan!" The two fangirls started to discuss a plan so daring and cunning that, if they could pull it off, could mean a sure fire advantage for the rescue squad!  
  
******************************************************  
  
Alicia walked into the blue corridors of Tech, following Merrylyn and silently going over what it was she needed to say. Merrylyn went over to one of the rooms and peeked through the door. "Perfect! It's Alice! She'll let us do this; we 'bonded' on our last mission!" "What was that?" asked Alicia curiously. "Rescuing Smaug the dragon . . . Liliac's idea!" and with that she walked into the room, leaving a bemused and slightly worried Alicia to follow. "Hello, are you Alice? I'm Joanne, from the new Research department" Alicia went straight into her spiel, partly so she wouldn't forget it and partly so Alice wouldn't have a chance to argue. "We have recently read a theory that certain pheromones exuded by the elves are the cause of fangirliness. Since Merrylyn has recently been affected, she would make the ideal case study for our department." Merrylyn nodded in agreement at the confused looking girl. "However" continued Alicia "We have come across a small problem. Merrylyn, as you already know, has been enlisted by our much loved leader Liliac, and as such is not available for the constant testing required. Therefore" here she took a deep breath "we need to find a way to keep Merrylyn under constant controlled surveillance whilst simultaneously letting her carry out her duties uninterrupted. So the optimum solution is for us to clone Merrylyn and reserve the copy for our experiments. So if you could clone her . . . pretty please?" She tailed off, hoping that the really long words she had used had made sense and, more importantly, made her story more believable. She wasn't sure the end was as impressive but . . . too late now. "So let me get this straight . . . You're from research? What colour's that area? And why haven't you got a cloak?" "It's, um, pink, and I haven't got a cloak because . . . because they had run out of my size" Alicia hoped Alice wouldn't ask too many more questions. "So, about cloning Merrylyn?" Alice rubbed her eyes, as if the situation was all a bit much for her. But she did take the hair offered by Merrylyn, and started the cloning machine. She sent the real Merrylyn to fetch the clone some clothes whilst the machine clicked and whirred. Alicia and Alice sat there in silence for a minute, the Alice turned to Alicia. "So, pheromones. Who thought of that?" she asked curiously. "I'm not sure, but my superior heard the idea and thought it deserved further investigation." Alicia and Merrylyn had prepared for this question. However, the next one caught her completely by surprise. "So, who is in charge of Research? Luckily Alicia was saved having to make up a reasonable sounding reply by the hasty return of Merrylyn with an armful of clothes. The machine letting off a final beep ended all chances of the conversation restarting. The two fangirls hurriedly dressed the clone and left, waving goodbye as they propelled her down the corridor. Questioning of the clone proved that she knew as much about Merrylyn's history, her job and the hot one, and that she was equally as infatuated as the original. So Alicia did the only sensible thing. She left the room whilst the two Merrylyn's fought over who got to join the squad and who had to stay in MEAPS.  
  
It was only a minute or two later when one of the Merrylyn's came out of the room. "It's me . . . the original. I've decided you should take the copy" "What? Why?" Alicia couldn't believe her ears. "Well, I've already met Legolas, and I should give my clone the chance. Besides, this job is kind of fun. I know it's crazy, but I think I had my chance. Better luck to the next generation!" Alicia shook hands with Merrylyn and watched her walking away down the corridor. She felt kind of strange talking the new Merrylyn with her. But all that changed when she walked back into the room. This Merrylyn was bouncing around the room "I get to see Legolas again! I get to see Legolas again!" Alicia smiled. It was still Merrylyn, the same Merrylyn she had come for. "Come on Merrylyn, I've got some people you just have to meet!!!"  
  
******************************************************  
  
They returned to a kitchen of very unhappy fangirls. Quite a few had bruised themselves in their attempts to get to the poster. "Girls. Hopefully this has shown you why we need caution. Do not despair however, for we now have a big advantage! May I introduce . . . Merrylyn!!!"  
  
(A/N) Sorry bout the strange humour that invaded this chapter . . . it won't happen again . . . unless you actually liked it? Um and Merrylyn, hope you don't mind how I portrayed you . . . if you don't like it, all you have to do is review . . . that counts for the rest of you as well! 


	9. Continued training

(Drum roll in background) Ladies and gentlemen! Roll up to the start of the prequel of the biggest inter-author-story-crossover-extravaganza you might possible EVER see! That's right folks; this chapter lays the groundwork for what has been hinted at by that master of mayhem, that Lord of literature, the prince of pancakey deeds . . . Huinesoron! Sorry, hyper moment. I blame the drum roll ;-)  
  
Pointy Ears Are My Thing - OOPS! Well, saying that on a place like this probably wasn't the smartest move in the world in all honesty . . . sorry! No reviews from Mandy yet . . . sigh, nobody loves me . . . uh hum, sorry, unwarranted self pity moment at lack of Merrylyn reviews. I don't think she likes me :'( and I didn't know about her file, no . . . interesting is all I'll say! (Update! Merrylyn did review!!! Happy now!!!)  
  
The Noble Platypus - well, you might not have been in that chapter, but I'm thinking your fangirl creation will be in this one, and you might even be in the next, depending on Huinesoron. And wait no more, because here you go!  
  
Phaidra - I'm glad I don't have to worry, because strange and hyper normally sum me up pretty well. Cloning idea was Merrylyn's, and essential for getting her onto my squad. The pheromones was an idea put forward by one of Huinesoron's ISPCE reviewers (AarIIe), and it made a perfect excuse to clone Merrylyn!  
  
Elanhin - Sorry for the confusion. Alicia is our star (and my fangirl alter ego) Alice is an ISPCE tech worker. MEAPS is the Middle Earth Animal Protection Society, run by Liliac (mentioned in ISPCE). Hope that clears it all up  
  
Lady of Mowzerness - name noted. And yes, two Merrylyn's, but unless there's a chapter involving ISPCE again, I probably will only be writing about one.  
  
Malfoyelf - Thank you! Well, I work in a grocery sore and I was stocking up the apples and I thought "Golden Delicious, that'd work. Inspiration is all around when you're mad like me. Haven't seen Legally Blonde 2, is it really not that great? And poor you, no computer!!! That truly is the mark of civilisation. And Huinesoron said they were brunettes, so that is what I wrote!  
  
Fireblade K'Chona - Yes you were and here you are again! And I think next chapter will be your staring moment!  
  
Huinesoron - Praise from the master (faints) lol, ok will fix formatting this time, what with two chapters to comment on (like buses, nothing then 2 at once)  
  
Liliac - stop grumbling, I could have taken the original and ISPCE would have never known so :-P And if the squad get cloaks, I have the design now. And you, a pyro? I'd NEVER think that!  
  
UnDeadGoat - Hi, now I've spoken to you I guess I get a review for every chapter to? :-D YIPEE-EE-EEE! Guaranteed reviews! When I get home from university I'll ask my wonderful, amazing, generous sister (who is reading this) if I can read the LoTR books. No she's not invisible; I'm one of those authors who decided she could get away with it because the story wouldn't work otherwise. She portalled home, which she could do because Merrylyn told her how. And I did check with Huinesoron about the annoying thing, just in case. Deluded? Of course!  
  
Merrylyn - yayayay! Back again! Don't murder the ffnet bot, I won't be able to update! Yes, Alicia is my alter ego, although a) that's not my name, b) I look nothing like her and c) I'm not quite as obsessed. Cell? Why are you celled? You're working for MEAPS. You're free! And now you're two as well. Leather thing was something I did when I thought of Legolas gone bad . . . in chapter 4 I think. No, I don't think Middle Earth could handle more that 2 Merrylyn's, besides Huinesoron being mean and won't let 3 alter egos of me run around in the same chapter :-( He says two's the maximum!  
  
Is it just me or are my reviewer replies getting longer than the chapters? Ah well, back to the story. Now, buckle in and hold on tight, because the fangirl squad are being let out!  
  
Chapter 9 - Continued training  
  
"See, that wasn't evil! He slowed the orcs down, so the others could catch up!" Rose whispered as the last one fell. Alicia shot her a warning look, and glanced at the others. Luckily enough, Tiffany, Mary and Mandy were all too busy drooling to be any trouble. "If you want to go and say hello, you can. I've seen how this Legolas treats us though. You wouldn't last five seconds." Alicia waited half expectantly. Rose was a very pretty girl, and whilst that wouldn't matter to THIS Legolas, once he was uncursed . . . better to get rid of the competition now. Rose, however, didn't take the bait. They watched Legolas portal out, then Alicia stood up from the very crouched position behind the rock she had been stuck in for the past goodness knows how long. As she stretched out, she couldn't help but smile. The training had worked. What with Merrylyn helping out, the fangirls had learnt the look no touch policy that would keep them safe and ultimately, Alicia was sure, help them save the hot one himself. They had managed to stay in his presence without trying to swamp him again; although Rose HAD come close. She opened up the portal back to the kitchen . . .  
  
. . . And entered just as Merrylyn stepped through her portal, followed by Sarah, Phaidra, Galadriël Telrúnya and the Lady of Mowzerness. Merrylyn grinned and bounced over to hug Alicia. The rest of the squad sat down at the table, although Merrylyn's half kept their hands strangely out of sight. "So, how did it go?" asked Alicia, referring to the assistant surveillance mission Merrylyn had been conducting.  
  
"It went really well! We managed to plant the little cameras in the kitchen so we can see the ovens, the table and the door. Then, since we had one left . . ." Merrylyn grinned "We put one in Legolas' bedroom"  
  
Alicia smiled dreamily at the thought, then frowned as she realised that half her squad were fiddling with things under the table. "What are you doing?" One by one, the fangirls revealed what they held. Alicia gasped in dismay. Each of Merrylyn's squad had something that could only have come from the kitchen. A bag of flour, a frying pan, what looked like a corner from one of Legolas' cloaks and a teaspoon. Alicia shook her head "Merrylyn, you let them take stuff? They're bound to notice, it could jeopardise the whole mission!" Merrylyn hung her head guiltily. "I didn't know they had taken things"  
  
Alicia looked at Merrylyn suspiciously. "Did you take something too?" "No- o" Merrylyn drew the syllable out. "So what did you do?" Alicia wasn't fooled. Merrylyn mumbled something, but Alicia was able to hear it all the same. "You left a ROSE? On his PILLOW?" Partly in disbelief, partly in jealousy that she hadn't been able to do this, Alicia sank into a chair. Merrylyn patted her on the back "It was only a small rose" Alicia looked up and stared at her. Merrylyn continued "he needs something to weaken the spell. I thought it would help"  
  
Alicia chose to let it go. Anything she might have said was interrupted by a beep from the portal generator. A handy little trick Merrylyn had programmed since joining the squad, it now beeped every time Legolas moved out of the pre-programmed base area. "He's on the move again. This time I'm taking Sarah, Phaidra, Galadriël Telrúnya and the Lady of Mowzerness . . ." "Yaram" Interrupted Merrylyn. "She told me her name while we were on the mission." "Right." Alicia nodded "So we are going to go. Merrylyn, you and the others can go over the plans."  
  
"The Rescue plans or the decorating plans?" Rose asked. "Rescue. Time is definitely of the essence now." With that dramatic declaration, Alicia set up a portal, and beckoned the fangirls to follow.  
  
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Alicia was just musing on the success of the training mission (once again, the squad had managed not only to control their Legolas Pouncing urges, but they hadn't screamed when they saw Smaug either) when one of the assistants portalled in. Alicia was almost too busy glaring daggers to hear her gasping something about Huinesoron . . . the dreamy dark elf? . . . Being under attack! Legolas grabbed the girl, causing much dark muttering from the squad, and portalled out.  
  
Alicia was dumbstruck. They would not be a more perfect opportunity to rescue Legolas in a long time, if she was right in thinking another wave of fangirls would be a major assistant distraction. It was a sign. Whispering, because of the sleeping dragon, she stared bright eyed at the girls "You realise what this means? We are going to be able to rescue Legolas . . . NOW!"  
  
(A/N) Dum Dum Duuuum! What will happen next? Will the Rescue Squad pull it off? There's only one way to find out. Tune into the next exciting instalment of "Diary of a Pancake Fangirl".  
  
Well, actually, there's going to be three chapters about the same event. But this one gives Alicia's viewpoint, so you should still read it. Please. And review. That would be very nice!!! 


	10. Operation battle rescue

FINALLY!!! After long, lonely years of waiting (might be a SLIGHT exaggeration) Huinesoron has updated!!! This means I can update too! So, with no more to do (you've waited too long already!) let's get back on track, cause we're waa-aa-y behind schedule!  
  
Pointy Ears Are My Thing - Diets are evil. (Disclaimer: the opinions expressed in this reviewer reply are those of the author alone and should not be taken seriously. In fact, they should probably be ignored) And apart from that, Yay, rescue time!  
  
Huinesoron - Oops, sorry, It's a 4 story cross over. And you never told me there were rules! School?!? I hope this doesn't mean tests! And it was only small . . .  
  
malfoyelf - Flashcards? Do I WANT to know? And I'm sorry this update took so long!  
  
The Noble Platypus - I'm sorry it took so long, and the Midnight thing is explained.  
  
Phaidra - I don't know who got what, but I suppose you get first dibs so yeah, you have the bit of the cloak. Sorry it was so long between chapters!  
  
Lady of Mowzerness - Finally being the operative word.  
  
Bulma Greenleaf - Merrylyn's team were just the people who went with Merrylyn to the kitchen . . . so that would have been Sarah, Phaidra, Galadriël Telrúnya and the Lady of Mowzerness.  
  
Elanhin - Sorry you had to wait so long, and sorry you're still confused. Can I help, or will it pass with time?  
  
Liliac of the purple cloak - Thank you  
  
Fireblade K'Chona - Yes, you have a moment . . . It's slightly different to how you first envisioned it but I think it works this way!  
  
Isilhen - Sorry, but it is kind of the wrong time to introduce a new character, maybe if an opportunity after the battle turns up then I will do what I can!  
  
I would just like to reiterate the point that I AM VERY SORRY this took so long, but in all honesty it's not ENTIRELY my fault . . . I'll say no more except one thing.  
  
STORY TIME!  
  
Chapter 10 - Operation Battle rescue  
  
The battle was raging all around. Legolas laughed manically as he swung back his black cloaked arm, ready to release the sticky pancake on a group of innocent fan girls . . .  
  
. . . When someone grabbed his arm. He spun around to come face to face with a vision of beauty, a slender blonde with compassion in her dazzling blue eyes. "Legolas, this is not the way" she said, in her wonderfully harmonious voice. Legolas felt the cloud of evil lift from his mind. He looked in confusion at the pancake and let it drop. "My lady, I don't understand . . ." he started.  
  
"Hush, it is okay my prince. You were under a curse but my valiant companions and I have come to rescue you." She turned to gesture but all Legolas could see was a heap of maidens covered from head to toe in sticky batter.  
  
"My squad!" the lady ran to them and started to weep, salty pearls running down her alabaster cheeks. Legolas went to her and held her as she sobbed.  
  
"My lady . . ." he paused, and she whispered "Alicia". "My lady Alicia, I sorrow for your loss, but forgive me for not weeping. Mine eyes are captivated by thy beauty. I feel as though this is a moment my entire life has been waiting for. My soul calls out to yours. Fair Alicia, my saviour!" his head dipped lower, his golden hair swirling about his face, his noble lips a breath away . . .  
  
. . . And Alicia felt a cold nose on her ankle, startling her out of her daydream. She looked down to see Midnight wrapping herself round her ankles. She bent to scoop her up with a sigh. In her dream she had been SO close to kissing Legolas . . . She glanced around his bedroom and smiled. Soon, she would rescue him . . . In fact, if she understood her paradoxes, she already was rescuing him! The only reason she wasn't there now was that she had had to return to the evil kitchen when Tiffany had noticed Midnight was missing. Merrylyn had mentioned seeing her in Legolas's room whilst setting up the cameras and so Alicia had obviously volunteered to come and get her. She had been SLIGHTLY distracted from her mission by being here (just think, he actually SLEPT in that bed!) . . . But now she needed to portal back in time to arrive at the battle when Merrylyn and the others had, and they could rescue Legolas for real! She felt a tiny twinge that it probably wouldn't happen EXACTLY like her day dream, but the reality was sure to be sweet enough, with her own dear elf by her side!  
  
Before she left though, she had something of vital importance to do. She walked to his bed and next to the rose already on his pillow, she laid another one, a deeper red in colour. And slightly bigger!  
  
***********************************************************************  
  
Alicia stepped on the field just as Merrylyn stepped through a portal opposite. There was no praise for excellent timing however, as between them there was a robed person who looked incredibly surprised to be between two portals. Both Alicia and Merrylyn recognised the robes as ISPCE, and before she could raise the alarm they both leapt at her. The combined force of Alicia and Merrylyn knocked the agent over. She hit the ground hard, and didn't get up. Merrylyn quickly checked her breathing. "She's alive, but she'll have a nasty headache when she comes round. Poor Fireblade K'Chona."  
  
"You knew her?" Asked Alicia. She kept forgetting that Merrylyn, one of the most dedicated fan girls she had ever met, had once worked for ISPCE and had in fact been friends with these people. Merrylyn nodded and beckoned for everyone to follow "before her birds turn up". Alicia decided it was better not to ask.  
  
Luckily no one else has witnessed their arrival, so they were able to slip between the hordes of fan girls and agents undetected. Then Alicia spotted Legolas. This was it! Her moment, her dream come true. . . With the minor alteration that they were going to tie Legolas up and drag him through a portal. She snatched the rope from Rose and started to stalk towards him. She was nearly close enough when a voice called out "LEGOLAS! BEHIND YOU!" Legolas spun around, and they were face to face. Those seconds when they just gazed at each other were perfect. She took in everything about him, from the muscles bunched under his cloak to the wisp of hair that curled onto his forehead. She waited for the music to swell up, for him to realise his undying love . . .  
  
. . . And instead found herself engulfed in a fireball. Pain ripped through her body as she could just make out a dragon . . . Smaug? . . . Swooping above her. The hands, pushing her, blue light, then cold cold water. Then unconsciousness.  
  
(A/N I hope this isn't TOO much of a cliff hanger, but rest assured she doesn't die. I have also noticed that the addition of a plot to this story distracted from my initial aim, to mock over the top fan girliness. I hope this chapter goes some way to fix this. Good night all (I write this at 1am) I hope you enjoyed!) 


	11. The Consequences

I realise I have been slow again, and I am sorry, but university exams are coming up . . . I beg your forgiveness and your sympathy.  
  
Huinesoron - Poor Fireblade? Poor Alicia! But glad you liked!  
  
Fireblabe K'Chona - You'd have to ask ISPCE but I'm sure you did get rescued.  
  
Liliac of the Purple Cloak - Thank you  
  
Phaidra - Glad you enjoyed the chapter, I think a lot of people did  
  
Pointy Ears Are My Thing - such is the secret trauma of a fanfic fan . . . I share your suffering.  
  
Lady of Mowzerness - Glad you liked, and thank you for feeling for Alicia! She appreciates it muchly.  
  
Elanhin - Depends on who it's (the fireball) aimed at.  
  
The Noble Platypus - craziness is fun! And she's not scarred, but she did suffer some damage . . .  
  
Merrylyn - YAY! You came back to me! Glad you liked (even if it left you fuming slightly) and don't worry about Alicia, I couldn't kill her.  
  
Malfoyelf - lol that would have been sweet! Shame I didn't think of that!  
  
Isilhen - don't hate her! And look, I continued!  
  
Now I don't have much to work with but I can't leave you all wondering what happened to Alicia, so it's a short chapter.  
  
Chapter 11 - The consequences  
  
Slowly the fog in Alicia's head cleared. She was lying in a bed, and she seemed to be wrapped in cloth . . . confused, she tried to remember what she had been doing last. Events, out of context like a jumble of pictures, flashed through her mind. A rose . . . a crowded field . . . rope in her hand . . . Legolas! And then fire.  
  
Suddenly she remembered. For a moment she was surrounded by flame again. Gasping, she sat up. She felt a hand on her shoulder, a feather light pat of comfort. "It's ok" said Merrylyn. "You're back at the base"  
  
Alicia sank back into the pillow. "Merrylyn, what happened? We were at the battle, I saw Legolas, then there was fire."  
  
"Smaug" said Merrylyn dully. "Liliac was there. We had to get you back straight away. We didn't get Legolas"  
  
Alicia felt like screaming in frustration. After all the work, all the effort they had put into planning, and they had failed! She had suffered . . . A horrible thought hit her. "Merrylyn, did I get burnt?"  
  
"No-oo-oo" Merrylyn sounded like she wasn't quite comfortable answering the question.  
  
"I want to see" Alicia sat up again, pulling at the bandages on her face. Merrylyn sighed and, calling for some one to bring a mirror, carefully unwrapped Alicia's face and arms.  
  
Yarram came into the room with a mirror. She glanced nervously at Merrylyn as she passed it over. Alicia felt dread growing in her stomach. Her arms seemed unmarked, but what if her face . . . ?  
  
"I used some ointment" said Merrylyn as she held up the mirror. "It's from ISPCE. Works like a charm"  
  
Alicia studied her face in detail. She couldn't see anything wrong. Then she realised the top of her head was still bandaged. Before either of the two girls could stop her she yanked the bandages off.  
  
There was a stunned silence as Alicia looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair . . . her glorious golden hair, her silky, smooth, shiny hair that she had grown since she was five, and had run like a caramel waterfall down her back, the hair her mother had used to braid, her crowing glory . . . was gone. All she had left was a few spiky inches of blonde.  
  
"It was all burnt. We saved as much as we could, but the fire . . . Alicia I'm so sorry!" Merrylyn looked like she was going to cry.  
  
"Get the girls" Alicia's voice was deadly calm, but there was a glint in her eye that frightened Yarram. "We set out to get Legolas, and that's what we are going to do."  
  
Yarram was getting everyone together when Alicia walked in. Silence descended on the room. Not saying anything, Alicia picked up the portal generator. Legolas had portalled somewhere to Caras Galadron five minutes ago. She set the co-ordinates, her mind crystal clear. None of this would have been in vain. She had seen the love in Legolas's eyes before Smaug's fireball had hit, she just knew it. They would rescue him, and that was all there was to it. She opened the portal and stepped through, almost oblivious to the whispering fangirls that followed.  
  
They arrived a few yards from Legolas. He was bent over a tree root, and the only thing that stopped Alicia grabbing him then and there was the view. Then he stood up and started walking through the wood. Cursing the wave of lust that had incapacitated her, she followed. Somewhere in the back of her mind she registered pride that her girls were being so silent. She threw a smile at them back over her shoulder, but she never lost her focus. Legolas came to a tree, and started to climb. Signalling for the others to stay below, she cautiously followed him up and around to the back of the room. Peeking in the window, she stared for a few moments before coming to an important decision. Two Legolas's . . . She could now die happy!  
  
(A/N) There you go . . . Do the fangirls have another chance to seize their love? What will Alicia do with her hair? Will I ever stop being so darn fangirly? Will I pass my exams? . . . Sorry got carried away! Find out next time!  
  
So very sorry about the over the top hair description, and for the moment of lust. I'll behave from now on. And look! Very near 100 reviews! I might need to have some kind of celebration . . . I'll think of something for the next chapter! 


	12. The Conclusion

Okay, here's the scoop. Huinesoron handed pancakes over to me in March, and gave me full control and responsibly of the story line, and plot.  
  
Since then I have been trying, *desperately* so, to think of somewhere to take it. Pancaking random canonicals wouldn't be as funny in my style (trust me, it takes a writer like Huinesoron to pull it off) and I don't have a detailed enough grasp of Lord of the Rings to have them follow In Character Legolas through Middle Earth.  
  
It might be that someday (maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, maybe next year) I have a brainwave, a vision of glory, of where I can take this story. But I refuse to spoil what has been 50 (yes, that's right, 50!) glorious chapters of humour by dragging the storyline, kicking and screaming, down a path of substandard plots and overdone clichés.  
  
So, with a heavy heart, I have to announce that this is the final chapter of THIS part of the saga. If I do think of something I will be *more* than happy to reopen the story . . . in fact, I am so unwilling to make this a final ending that I will leave it kind of open . . . more of that in the author note at the end.  
  
I realise by doing this I leave myself open to numerous assassination attempts. Perhaps you might wonder why I have to write this chapter . . . why I don't just leave it hanging until I think of something. Well, in my humble opinion, that just isn't good enough. If I can't continue it, I should, at least, draw the tale to some sort of conclusion. I owe you, my readers, and the memory of "Pancakes!", that much. I hope you understand.  
  
And so, one final round of reviewer responses. Whether you've been here since the beginning, or wondered in at the end, I just want to say thank you. You made it worth writing!  
  
Fireblade K'Chona - It's probably obvious now that the birds won't get an opportunity for revenge this go round. Sorry, and thank you for sticking with the story.  
  
Liliac of the Purple Cloak - Thank you, glad you liked it  
  
Huinesoron - Yes, well. Thank you for starting this crazy, funny, epical fic. I can't take over your world; it really wouldn't be the same. And so, I do what I hope is the best thing I can. I hope you approve.  
  
The Noble Platypus - Thanks for sticking with this through all the twists and turns. Hope it's been worth it.  
  
Elanhin - Thank you! Gawd, this is emotional . . . who'd have thought I'd feel so sad about ending a fic that started out as a joke!  
  
Merrylyn - I hope you can forgive me for this. The squad may one day lust again, but not today. It's been brilliant, and your support amazing. Not much else I can say. Thank you Merrylyn!  
  
Malfoyelf - not particularly soon I know. Glad you enjoyed the story  
  
Bulma Greenleaf - Thanks for all your reviews and help  
  
Phaidra - One final chance, one last twist of destiny . . . Thanks Phaidra, you've been great!  
  
Pointy Ears Are My Thing - OKAAAY . . . very *nice* dream Pointy . . . lol, thanks for being a regular.  
  
Isilhen - But this is Alicia! What wig can compare to the glory that was her own personal caramel waterfall? Yes, I'm afraid your suspicions were correct. I'm sorry.  
  
Rylee Smith - Sorry, but the fangirliness is drawing to a close. Glad you enjoyed it though.  
  
Balrogthane - Lol, cool idea!  
  
Chapter 12 - The conclusion  
  
Alicia crept back down the tree to the waiting squad. "This is our chance! There are two Legolas's . . . we can grab one, and it will never be noticed".  
  
As the younger Legolas swung down from the tree, Alicia signalled for Merrylyn and Rose to follow him. They nodded, and Merrylyn held up her walkie talkie. Alicia and the others waited, until the elder Legolas climbed down. Stealthily they followed him, and they saw the rest of the Fellowship splattered by this Legolas' final, massive pancake. Then they watched him flee, and his final stand.  
  
It was rather disappointing that he was captured due to a rotten branch, but Alicia felt only a moment's grief. So this Legolas was out of reach . . . there was the other one.  
  
Using the walkie talkie, Alicia and the squad soon found their way back to Merrylyn and Rose. A few moments whispered planning, and then the squad separated to surround Legolas. Alicia worked her way around, till she was directly in front of him. There was the slightest nagging doubt that she had missed something, but there was no time for hesitation.  
  
Alicia strode onto the path infront of Legolas, causing him to stop in his tracks.  
  
"Who are you?" he asked suspiciously  
  
"Alicia, your true love and saviour" she said, her eyes glowing, her heart nearly bursting with love.  
  
"Wrong answer" he sighed, and released a pancake he had concealed behind his back.  
  
Alicia stumbled, and clawed the clingy batter away from her face. She heard her squad moving into action and the resultant struggle, and by the time she had cleared her eyes Legolas was bound by the beaming squad.  
  
"Girls . . . we did it!" they cheered, and as Alicia opened a portal and they carried him through, she was sure she would never be happier in her life!  
  
Back at their headquarters, they bound him to a chair, and stared at him, hungrily. They seemed almost afraid to touch him, as if he might just vanish. Legolas, for his part, glared defiantly round at the girl, trying to twist his hands high enough to untie the knots.  
  
Finally Rose broke the silence "Alicia, is this the Legolas from before the Pancaking started?"  
  
"Yes, well, before the second wave" Alicia licked her lips in anticipation.  
  
"So he never pancaked all those people?" asked Sarah  
  
"That's right"  
  
"So does that mean he never got kidnapped by orcs?" asked Mandy, a worried note in her voice  
  
"I suppose so" Alicia looked away from Legolas at the other girls  
  
"Then, I never sent the email?" asked Merrylyn, definitely panicking now  
  
"Umm"  
  
"So, we shouldn't be here!" squeaked Mary  
  
"Well . . ."  
  
"Does that mean we're going to just pop out of existence?" Yarram looked around at the terrified faces "Alicia??"  
  
Alicia closed her eyes. "Oh damn!"  
  
*POP*  
  
(A/N) And there you have it . . . My conclusion as it stands. Do not be alarmed though, I did promise an open ending, and I ask you consider this.  
  
Alicia popped out of the story . . . so she never got to kidnap Legolas . . . so he went on his pancakey quest and got kidnapped by the orcs . . . so ISPCE (and more importantly Merrylyn) got called in to rescue him. . . so Alicia received that all important email . . . and so it all starts again. A never ending paradox of enormous proportions. Enough to give canon a headache!  
  
So, if I (or someone else for that matter) ever has an idea of what happens next, it is perfectly plausible that canon, being well fed up at this point, spits Alicia and the squad out just before they kidnap Legolas, so the old version of Alicia can warn the new version not to. Thus the paradox is averted, the old squad can go home (being tired from reliving the paradox goodness knows how many times) and the new squad can continue their quest to "rescue" Legolas.  
  
Sweet huh? 


End file.
